A MOTHER’S LOVE

I’ve read hundreds, if not thousands of books in my life, and today one of them stopped everything for me. You see, as a man who has lived in prison for decades, I never read a more poignant story of the impact of my crime on the woman I love more than anything: my mother. This book, Mother Love, is a series of stories–though fictional–of women dealing with the impact of their child’s crime. Author Jean Trounstine made a powerful statement with this book.

As I read the first story about Rachel, I immediately seen my mother struggling through her day, trying her best to be there for her son. The pull of a woman wanting her son safe made Rachel do things she had to, just to know if he was safe.

That’s what a mother will do, always. It pains me, because I learned later in life that my own mother suffered a heart attack because of me. The police came knocking at our home, informing her that I was wanted for murder. I never knew…and when I learned the truth, it made me call my mother and apologize for what I put her and my family through.

A book did that for me. So you know I had to keep reading, through tears of the struggle. The second story about Marie, wow, that was a powerful one. Her son spent 20 years in prison for killing his neighbor’s son. Two mothers in mourning, and the only way to express their shared pain was at a court date for Marie’s son being considered for parole. The way the two women opened up afforded the son–who was remorseful–a parole date.

I had a similar experience with a close friend who begun communicating with the mother of the victim he took from this world. She wanted understanding on what transpired between them? My friend was deadly afraid to speak with her, because he too carried the shame of what he did. Even so, he opened up and told his truth, and the mother forgave him. They ended up forming a bond that she eventually wrote a letter for his parole hearing asking that they release him. They did.

These stories from Mother Love have in many ways shown me that Ms. Trounstine did her research. Again, fictional stories that were based on a reality from her working closely with incarcerated individuals and their families. The shocking truth that many mothers were open, honest, and able to reveal a vulnerability that would shock you helped these stories come to life. I believe that, because stories like Chandra showed me.

You read about a Cambodian mother whose culture impacted her in how she didn’t pay attention to the signs her daughter displayed from an abusive relationship. As Chandra learned more about expressing herself–in private from her oppressive husband’s eyes–to a site called Better Than Blue, that was when she found her strength to be a mother for herself, and her daughter.

I tended to look back on my mother and I dealing with our shared trauma from an abusive stepfather. My incarceration made her cut ties with him, and getting the necessary help to become the woman she needed for herself and her children. I respected her for finding her footing in this world, and I love her all the more for showing me that we didn’t need to live in our trauma forever.

Mother Love continued to keep me tearing up as I trudged through story after story. I nearly quit when I read about Betty. Her love for a drug addicted son who continued to be a screw up led her into a interaction with her son’s celly’s father. I didn’t enjoy that story at all, because when I see a mother who would do anything for her child, I cringed, realizing that some mother’s gotta take a step back from their child in order for that child to grow through their mistakes–and when that child finally becomes the adult their mother hoped for, they’ll reach back, showing their transformation.

When I put Mother Love down, I recalled a man lying to his mother about our building being struck by lightning. He said that all our TVs were destroyed, and that the prison wouldn’t pay to replace them. His elderly mother lived on a monthly budget, but she sacrificed for him over a stinking lie he told her. The sickening part was that he lied to pay off a gambling debt.

I never had a book impact me about my mother like Mother Love. This book has to be read by incarcerated individuals, because as sons and daughters, this will give them a chance to ask a question to themselves: did I do that to my mother?

Whether good or bad, the way I felt as I read Mother Love was transformative. I discovered many things about my mother as we conversed on the phone. She is a warrior, as are all mothers. Ms. Trounstine did the world some good with this book, and from the bottom of my heart, I thank her for it.

by TUTANKHAMON WATERMAN